Let Go, Let Flow

Today I went home with a certain sadness. It’s been a long time since I last wrote a personal poem or essay or just simply my story. I write when I am greatly inspired and at this particular moment, I reckon my law could apply, and the timing could not be more perfect. I confess that I am greatly inspired by a force stronger than anyone or anything I have ever come across in my existence. And for this, I am stunned and speechless. Writing another chapter in my life could be a difficult road to tread, but like they always say, life experiences are the best teachers, and I continue to welcome them with open arms. I know God always has a purpose for teaching us life’s eternal lessons.

And so my story goes. Before that, a simple question. Do you believe that love is always the greatest and surest path to happiness? My answer is just as simple: naturally, without a doubt. Albeit heartbroken and rejected, through the years I have remained steadfast in my personal belief that all we really need is love. It is our human desire to be liked and understood, acknowledged and praised, touched and hugged and kissed, and thought of and cared for. Wow, those may all account for our being so demanding when it comes to love. But isn’t it all we dream of and cherish, for instance, from someone we like or have a tremendous fondness for? We dream that someday, that special someone may likewise feel the feeling we have for him. Over centuries, psychologists have all attempted to analyse Mars from Venus, or Adam from Eve. But no exact explanations to several hypotheses were ever born. Men and women were altogether left existing, breathing, doing their mundane activities, but harboring a sudden magical and surreal feeling at the same time, putting that exclamation mark and breaking the monotony in our lives.

Lest we talk in circles, my real case in point is actually a strategy to alleviate the melancholy that seems to linger inside of me for quite sometime now. I reassess my life and in the course of doing it, I discover a feeling that I can evade or escape from if I wanted to, but I know I could not get away from, unless I let go of it, to let it flow and take its natural course. Sometimes I guess letting my guard down just a little is one way, I think. As I hit this paragraph, an old Jimmy Durante song is playing on my iPhone, and it’s true what the song says, “Where’s the real stuff in life to cling to? Love is the answer, someone to love is the answer. Make someone happy, make just one, someone happy, and you will be happy too.” I am letting my guard down on this force and I am confident that as I let go of how I feel, fate wouldn’t be too harsh on me and it will all flow just as water runs freely. After all, I know I have nothing to lose and no timing is more perfect than the present time one has on his hands. Otherwise, the moment might just pass us by and we find out we have not gotten even the faintest chance.


This may be the reason one day I instantly had the brio to come to work, for now my purpose in life is revealed to me in high definition full color and a greater motivation sprung out of it to encourage and inspire me. That force is dynamic and bright, and is starting to empower me to be the best I can be now. In the beginning the force must have seen me in grayscale, but now I am determined to let it go, to let it flow. But wait, this story has already been to the moon and back, and yet all we ever talked about is the force. What is this force anyway? All I know right now is whether the force is here or on the other side of the world, it has captured me immensely to love, to dream, to wish, and to know that whatever happens, one day, I’ll decide to face it and tell the naked truth…..in my dreams, of course! Kidding aside (I always like to kid myself), I am more than thankful for the fond memories, great laughs over pizza, those seven days in sunny June of 2009, the commanding presence, and that horsepower of sophistication.

True to form, the force knocks me off my feet and I am not afraid to blurt that. As long as I am cautioned and guarded enough with wisdom and lessons from the past, I know I am in a freaky but safe place. This is my comfort zone that allows me to do my best (although sweat like a pig whenever the force is proximate), to open my awareness to new things or challenges that I know the force would be glad about. I think this brings me to say I am made much happier with my work now, and as long as I could, I shall stay on until the force is here. Three to four times a year is fine by me, every minute is totally worth it anyway, minus the racing heartbeats and butterflies in the tummy, that is! The force is gone tomorrow, and it’s back to square one the day after that. I couldn’t care less to wait in vain. Let go, let flow.

Mama's House

I thought I'd post a picture of my grandmother's house in Cavite. This house is very special to all of us for this is where we celebrate all important occasions in our family the whole year through, except of course when we hold the parties in private resorts in Laguna.



I took this photo in December last year when Tita Leigh put up all the Christmas lights! The house looked so festive and I have to tell you the weather in that part of Cavite somewhat close to Tagaytay was the chilling cold one!

Wish it was Christmas time again!

My 25 Random Things

I missed this blog of mine!!! Christmas and New Year came, and January was still a bit of a vacation for me. But February is welcoming me back to the web logging world!

So let's roll! I did this list on Facebook and I would say it was fun writing down the random things about myself. Here goes.

1. Swimming is my sport. I bested my colleagues in the swim and sink event and brought home a medal when I joined the Coke sportsfest back in 1998.

2. I auditioned to be a news anchor when SkyCable was launched and they conducted a newscaster search during my junior year in DLSU.

3. My first job was a desktop publishing and graphic design officer for an advertising company in 1996. Aldus Pagemaker was the design sensation back then! Hee!

4. I clean my bag and its contents every single day! How obsessive compulsive is that? Spring cleaning, organizing anything, bring it on!

5. I can compose a poem when greatly inspired. No possibility of it on a gloomy, rainy day.

6. Ergo, I love sunshine! I'm in my element under the ray of light. =)

7. It is still my dream to be able to write for and design a fashion and lifestyle magazine and become an Anna Wintour of sorts (less fierce though).

8. I wish I was born and raised in England. I love watching and hearing these famous Brits talk: Kate Winslet, Hugh Laurie, Rob Pattinson, Hugh Grant, Jamie Oliver, Emily Blunt, Jeremy Irons, and many others.

9. It was only recently that I realized I do love classical music, thanks to Paul Potts' rendition of Nessun Dorma.

10. My favorite hollywood celebrity is Ellen Lee Degeneres. Because who doesn't adore her?? A great host, comedian and dancer. She doesn't even look like 51 golden years to me!

11. I wrote an article on the psychology of males and females which got published in the valentine issue of the Bulletin in 2002. The movie "Someone Like You" inspired me to come up with the article.

12. I love memorizing and reciting monologues in romantic comedies such as Carrie Bradshaw's opening lines in Sex and The City The Movie, Iris Simpkin's opening narration in The Holiday, and Jonathan Trager as he was reading his own obituary in Serendipity.

13. 整理, 整頓, 清掃, 清潔, 躾. The 5S. I love it, I live it. =)

14. I have not missed a single episode of Grey's Anatomy, seriously! Thanks to Limewire. =)

15. I can listen to film scores all day. There is such resonating energy from this genre. Currently listening to: Theme from Mirror Has Two Faces and While You Were Sleeping.

16. I am a sucker for TMZ! Or Hollywood TV. Need I say more? Hahaha.

17. My sisters Dominoe and Diana are my true best friends and movie dates!

18. It was Marti who introduced me to Everything But The Girl. And I guess not just EBTG, I ask her what's new on her "Billboard" list from time to time. Hehe. Thanks Marti for DJ Harry's All My Life, I like it a lot now! Keep them coming! =)

19. I finished reading the entire Twilight Saga in a month. New Moon is my favorite of the four books.

20. I think it's about time Leonardo DiCaprio gets an Oscar. Back from Blood Diamond I think he really should have been honored big time.

21. Jim Carrey is my ultimate comedy warrior. Think Dumb and Dumber, Liar Liar, Bruce Almighty, and now Yes Man. Go watch him when you can. =)

22. I also got addicted to reading Sophie Kinsella's Shopaholic series. And now it's a major motion picture...can't wait to see it!

23. I am a frustrated chanteuse. I joined singing competitions back when I was with Coke and San Miguel and became a grand finalist for two consecutive years. On my audition night as a performer at the Hyatt Regency, I sang about twenty-four songs but never came back for my actual singing stint, I decided I may not be able to juggle day work with singing during nights.

24. I truly love this verse: "1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

25. Facebook is one of the greatest inventions for me. In the true hierarchy of things, it should be God, family, relationships (social networking that is!) hehehe.

Busy December

To summarize, here are the things I have been doing for the past few weeks since my quite long blogging hiatus, plus a few things I've planned until the entrance of 2009. Most of the time I call these things my "projects".

1. Finished shopping for and wrapping Christmas gifts;

2. Went for clinical consults to the Makati Medical Center to satiate the inner workings of my hypochondriac self especially at this time of the year;

3. Spending getaways with relatives and meeting for family reunions;

4. Ongoing general cleaning of the abode before the nanny goes on a vacation leave;

5. Rearranging the stock room and fixating on putting up a library of books, magazines, and videos;

6. Planning to set up a "home office" of sorts (not to preempt anything in my sideline department or anything, I'm crossing my fingers then!);

7. To blog and blabber endlessly haha!

No new year's resolutions for me, I guess every year I just get more obsessive compulsive! =)

Pre-Birthday Celebration

Despite the drizzly weather, and as always, our Chupsie reunion was such a blast. My friends never fail to shower me with surprises on my birthday. And so dinner time alternated with our picture-taking. It has been more than a month since we got together at Yazzie's wedding. We called our meeting last night our "regroup" session. Here are photos from last night's dinner.











I was even more elated when after dinner my dear friends gave me their very cute presents. Lizza and the girls really knew what I thought I needed and of course I love my new bag, tumbler and that little notebook that Yazzie even had personalized for us.



Over the years I come to think that our friendship has grown stronger. We all met way back in 1999 when we were with Coca-Cola and I am so thankful for years and years of friendship with these guys. A couple of days ago while I was doing some spring cleaning at home, I found this friendship bracelet we bought in that underground Goldcrest mall in Glorietta which we all have.



Lastly, thanks to Jason for his treat of refreshing and relaxing drinks from Starbucks. And while we were having that siesta after dinner, we viewed Yazzie's wedding and Phuket photos, and they were very good photos indeed.

Double Three

It's almost August and I sure know what that means.   I don't really like the sound of thirty-three, although I am welcoming it with open arms.

Three decades ago, I was the dancing, jolly toddler of the family.  I would stand on a table and hold a hairbrush and use it as my microphone. I would sing and perform as easy as putting coins in a jukebox.  Now nothing really changed.  Singing, dancing and entertaining is still my life. What more is new with me?  Maybe add reading and writing to the list, plus a few gray hairs grown from rearing my very own toddler. 

Anyway, let's put up this video here to kick off my impending natal month.  I must have heard this tune a million times, but it is just as fresh as the first day I heard it. This is, without a doubt, a real favorite of mine.

If I Ever Feel Better by Phoenix



Eleven days to go and it's happy 33 to me!

Busy

Over the weekend, I was supposed to do a million things of chores and errands but time did not allow me to accomplish them. I engaged in doing a little exercise in the morning of Saturday by loading Hip Hop Abs on the player. I was glad to see Shaun T back on my television screen. After 45 minutes though, I was so done and tired. Sunday came and the clan at my mother's side headed for a little swimming slash bonding time away from Manila.

In between those events, I found myself lounging in front of the television doing some cuddly time with my baby. So even if there are some things left undone in the errands department, the thing is I get to spend quality time with my son. I slacked this weekend, I know, but there were really great movies I couldn't put down.

I am planning to hold another garage sale as I received loads of clothes from Tita Baby last week. Now I need to re-arrange the closet and do some spring cleaning! As early as now I am mentally forming a list of tasks in the next few weeks and months.

I know my doctors' appointments have been so long overdue. I will have to bring my son back to his pediatrician before his birthday which will be another event to prepare for. I will also be attending two weddings in June and this means I will have to get my ensemble ready for these occasions and buy wedding gifts.

Now. Let's take it one day at a time shall we? And all shall be done.

All That I Am

Today while the skies are gloomy and dark
My heart beats with a melancholic spark
It hopes to be eternally serene and tranquil
As I lay everything now in God’s will

Love is blind, as Shakespeare once wrote
Three words that became my own dear quote
An expression made true by my own doing
That now I ended up believing in something

I loved, I lost, my heart forlorn beyond measure
I will get back on track I know that for sure
For loves lost are the ones forgotten and far away in bedlam
What will make me live is simply the thing that I am.